"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy." - Robert Louis Stevenson, epigraph of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Why not end the year on this note?! :D
This post is sponsored by the letter H. For HAPPINESS! (Sesame Street be damned.)
I hope you all had a very happy Christmas (as we say on this side of the Atlantic) and I wish you all an even happier 2016. This has been a very interesting and challenging year, full of the usual ups, downs and sideways lurches generally reserved for a London bus. I've said goodbye to friends who have moved back to Canada, welcomed old ones who have come here to live and visit, and made some fantastic new mates with which I've shared many an adventure. I've seen the English coast, been up La Tour Eiffel, driven across a Greek Island, and went punting on the River Cam. I became an omnivore again (much to the delight of my braai-loving South African neighbours and my best friend). I revisited journaling, and started a blog. (Woo!) I walked all over London.
Quite simply, I have lived.
This post is sponsored by the letter H. For HAPPINESS! (Sesame Street be damned.)
I hope you all had a very happy Christmas (as we say on this side of the Atlantic) and I wish you all an even happier 2016. This has been a very interesting and challenging year, full of the usual ups, downs and sideways lurches generally reserved for a London bus. I've said goodbye to friends who have moved back to Canada, welcomed old ones who have come here to live and visit, and made some fantastic new mates with which I've shared many an adventure. I've seen the English coast, been up La Tour Eiffel, driven across a Greek Island, and went punting on the River Cam. I became an omnivore again (much to the delight of my braai-loving South African neighbours and my best friend). I revisited journaling, and started a blog. (Woo!) I walked all over London.
Quite simply, I have lived.
I picked up this book a few months ago and was excited to read some non-fiction for a change. Considering the last review I left... ahem.
And hey, I'm a sucker for a good self-improvement book.
Written over the course of a year, Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project is the story of her quest to be happy with her self and happy in her everyday life. Easier said than done, my friends. Anchoring this challenge was a list of resolutions Rubin made to keep track of her progress on a daily basis; these resolutions also served as focus points over the course of the twelve months, with a handful to tackle each month. Points like "ask for help," "spend out" and "make time" are tips we could all stand to remember, non?
And hey, I'm a sucker for a good self-improvement book.
Written over the course of a year, Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project is the story of her quest to be happy with her self and happy in her everyday life. Easier said than done, my friends. Anchoring this challenge was a list of resolutions Rubin made to keep track of her progress on a daily basis; these resolutions also served as focus points over the course of the twelve months, with a handful to tackle each month. Points like "ask for help," "spend out" and "make time" are tips we could all stand to remember, non?
The book is divided into monthly chapters, with the resolutions in ledgers to serve as frameworks for the journey Rubin undertakes in that particular month. Now, this isn't some yarn of philosophical waxing: she also does plenty of research, sprinkling facts gleaned from reading copious amounts of books on happiness and spirituality throughout the book. She also makes reference to blogging (how meta!); one of the things she did during the course of her transformative year was start a blog (the genesis of this book), and so it makes sense that she would include some of her excerpts here. What I enjoyed, though, was that she also included reader comments from the blog within the book's pages: it really serves to underline that this kind of undertaking does depend on some support from others.
I definitely enjoyed reading this. There were more than a few ideas I poached; there were another handful that are already in practice ("sing in the morning" being one that I can't help) in my daily life. I very much identified with Rubin's wondering, "Can this be me? Is this really it?" I think these kinds of thoughts are what led me to make a dramatic change and uproot to move to London. Not that I wasn't appreciative of my life in Canada - far from it. I am still very grateful to have lots to go back to, should the need arise. But I had a feeling of... well, something like Belle's quest for "something more than this provincial life", as it were.
I definitely enjoyed reading this. There were more than a few ideas I poached; there were another handful that are already in practice ("sing in the morning" being one that I can't help) in my daily life. I very much identified with Rubin's wondering, "Can this be me? Is this really it?" I think these kinds of thoughts are what led me to make a dramatic change and uproot to move to London. Not that I wasn't appreciative of my life in Canada - far from it. I am still very grateful to have lots to go back to, should the need arise. But I had a feeling of... well, something like Belle's quest for "something more than this provincial life", as it were.
Granted, it wasn't all sunshine and roses for our author. She caught herself making mistakes, failing to keep resolutions, and just having days where she didn't feeling like carrying on with this thing. Don't we all? The beauty in this, however, is that instead of beating herself up over these shortcomings, Rubin accepted them and moved forward, and was much better off for it. There was also a bit of the book that I found jarring in its honesty:
I was worried that people who faced a major happiness trial - such as a serious illness, job loss, divorce, addiction, depression - might be put off. Would they think,"Who is she to talk about happiness when everything in her life is fine?"
The notion of "someone always has it worse off than me" can, on the surface, be a tool for empathy. It forces us to think of others and (hopefully) act in a way that makes their suffering less. But when it becomes a barrier to sharing our own experiences and feelings, it morphs into a problem. And this is how we end up in downward spirals with nobody to reach out to.
"I don't want to be a burden," Mom used to say.
Rubin found that "[e]veryone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers agrees that having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness" - well put, couldn't agree more. As I've previously mentioned in a few posts, Mom was adept at pushing people away in order to a) protect them and b) protect herself. Inherently, she grew increasingly isolated from the outside world, stuck within the ever-circling cocoon of family taking shifts to be present as much as we could. This sucked.
Large.
We did receive messages from a few friends (and extended family members) asking to come and see her, asking what they could do to help, asking how everyone was feeling. Time and again, they were shot down. I mean, you try telling your mother you know what's best for her. Or try ignoring her (last few) requests. Not happening.
I really, really, REALLY wish Mom would have read this. I think she would have been inspired to change little bits of her life, small steps at a time, and she could have become a much happier - and potentially much more authentic - version of herself. Not that I'm trying to invalidate her anger or other more negative emotions, but perhaps just allow for a return to the person she was years before her sickness and struggles with depression.
I don't see Mom as someone to emulate Rubin's process when it comes to reinventing her life - sitting and making checklists, ticking boxes, etc. But I do envision her taking the time to think deeply about what choices she made on a daily basis, and really delve into whether or not these choices could be modified - hell, even thrown out - to bring her more happiness.
I'll leave you with a quote that Rubin took from a reader's response to one of her blog posts:
I was worried that people who faced a major happiness trial - such as a serious illness, job loss, divorce, addiction, depression - might be put off. Would they think,"Who is she to talk about happiness when everything in her life is fine?"
The notion of "someone always has it worse off than me" can, on the surface, be a tool for empathy. It forces us to think of others and (hopefully) act in a way that makes their suffering less. But when it becomes a barrier to sharing our own experiences and feelings, it morphs into a problem. And this is how we end up in downward spirals with nobody to reach out to.
"I don't want to be a burden," Mom used to say.
Rubin found that "[e]veryone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers agrees that having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness" - well put, couldn't agree more. As I've previously mentioned in a few posts, Mom was adept at pushing people away in order to a) protect them and b) protect herself. Inherently, she grew increasingly isolated from the outside world, stuck within the ever-circling cocoon of family taking shifts to be present as much as we could. This sucked.
Large.
We did receive messages from a few friends (and extended family members) asking to come and see her, asking what they could do to help, asking how everyone was feeling. Time and again, they were shot down. I mean, you try telling your mother you know what's best for her. Or try ignoring her (last few) requests. Not happening.
I really, really, REALLY wish Mom would have read this. I think she would have been inspired to change little bits of her life, small steps at a time, and she could have become a much happier - and potentially much more authentic - version of herself. Not that I'm trying to invalidate her anger or other more negative emotions, but perhaps just allow for a return to the person she was years before her sickness and struggles with depression.
I don't see Mom as someone to emulate Rubin's process when it comes to reinventing her life - sitting and making checklists, ticking boxes, etc. But I do envision her taking the time to think deeply about what choices she made on a daily basis, and really delve into whether or not these choices could be modified - hell, even thrown out - to bring her more happiness.
I'll leave you with a quote that Rubin took from a reader's response to one of her blog posts:
Remembering that joy exists is tough when you've been traumatized. Joy is a big concept and utterly unbelievable when we are in the depths of catastrophe. But happiness . . . happiness is more accessible. We can be miserable and then find ourselves laughing, even if just for a few seconds. It reaffirms the will to live, and from there we can branch out. Happiness, and the belief we have in it, is the foundation for survival.
May you all find joy in the dark hours of winter, and may happiness poke you awake and laughing into 2016.
...And may the force be with you, while we're at it. ;)
...And may the force be with you, while we're at it. ;)